


Late night thoughts

by Fruityfella



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), F/F, Mental Health Issues, Non-Despair Enoshima Junko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28997001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fruityfella/pseuds/Fruityfella
Summary: Non-despair au, junko has adhd and ocd and chiaki is her supportive girlfriend. Taking place in one of the many times the girls go for a late night walk, this is also one of the many, many times junko deals with her intrusive thoughts.Content warning for thoughts of paranoia, violence(?), drowning, self harm, and death. This work deals with the experience of intrusive thoughts.
Relationships: Enoshima Junko & Nanami Chiaki, Enoshima Junko/Nanami Chiaki
Kudos: 8





	Late night thoughts

watching her reflection, She bends over the ledge as far as she can, staring into the water below. she could easily loose her footing and fall into the water, and if the water soaking into her coat wouldn't wear her down and drown her, the cold would quickly do the job. she could twist her leg on the way down and be unable to swim. she could even jump in willingly and not struggle.

she watches her reflection, and it's terrifying. so easily could it reach out and pull her in with it. she thinks of her head hitting the concrete and knocking her out so that she can't scream for help or swim out to safety. she thinks about how easily she could kill herself, and how no one would know until her body was cold, blue and bloated.

Foot steps drew her out of her thoughts, and she turned to see Chiaki. for a moment, the bad washes away. the taste of her strawberry chap stick, the smell of her flowery shampoo, the feel of her soft hair against your chest when she sits on your lap, it all floods back. She give you that sweet smile and sits on the ledge next to where you're standing.

The thoughts come back again. she'd never expect you to push her into the water. It'd be so easy to just shove her in and watch her struggle in the cold, murky depths. 

But you don't do that, you never would and you feel like a piece of shit just for thinking about it. You sit next to her, but almost instantly you think of falling back on purpose and on accident, how you could fall back and land in the water and she'd have to watch you drown and you know you deserve it because you think about doing this to people.

you sink to the ground in front of the ledge, so that it sits at your back. you can't fall like this. its fine that this bridge is so high, its not like it's going to break or anything.

Chiaki notices how preoccupied you are and takes your hand. "C'mon, let's go get a snack." she leads you and you walk together on the sidewalk. you don't tell her, but as you walk, thoughts of you or her accidentally being in the way of a car flash in your mind. 

"Oh, i beat my Tetris high score today!" you love when she tells you about her day. it's almost enough to distract you from the man and the counter as he glances at you two. you know he knows you're stealing something. Which makes no sense because you aren't, and you never planned to. "really? isn't your high score like, a bajillion?? how the heck did you beat that?" she giggles and helps you grab a few bottles of soda and a pack of fruity gum. Fitting for the both of you. she takes everything up to the counter, and you can't help but feel nervous when the cashier looks at you. does he want to hurt you? is he going to try framing you for stealing something? did you actually steal and he found out?

he says nothing as you check out and leave, save from the usual "your total is this, here's your change, miss." you feel awful as you chit chat with chiaki. do your thoughts really have to accuse any rando who looks at you for more than a second of wanting to do something unspeakable to you?

you walk and little thoughts of alley jumpers rustle in the back of your mind. you can't help but grip your keys extra tight. nights like this make you feel extra thankful that you got a mini self defense kit. that being said, this is one of the only few thoughts you can do anything to ease. you can prevent someone trying to murder you in an alley, but what do you do when your brain tells you that dragging that pocket knife across your thigh is a good idea?

you crack open your pop and look at Chiaki. its nice to just focus on her when she goes on about her games. Another one of those thoughts pop into your head again and you almost become more focused on getting it out of your head that listening to her. your brain really can't take it if it's not making any given moment overly cruel, violent, or sexual. its usually some mix of them all.

"what know?" you lean against the wall of a building, your arm around Chiaki. she leans into your chest and closes her eyes.

"your place? i miss your big bed and how its always just cold enough to cuddle." she's so warm. it feels like you're pulled to her, and you can't imagine letting go of her. she really is your center. everything gets calm around her when you get like this. these moments of holding her and taking her into all of your senses, letting her be the only thing on your mind is what keeps you going most days.

"that sounds good,," your voice is quiet and tired, and as exhausting as the walk is, you've barely registered it by the time you make it home. Chiaki kisses your cheek as you lead her inside. you've hardly noticed the thoughts are gone until they're back again. 

Mukuro stands in the kitchen making late night coffee, and you barely acknowledge her greeting before marching off to your room. you're not going to prolong any thoughts that you don't have to, and you're just thankful that Chiaki didn't bug you about stopping to chat with your sister. 

she closes your bedroom door and you toss your coat to the ground, before flopping into bed."Gosh, as sleepy as i am, i didn't expect you to be so tired." as silly as it is, just hearing her talk to you makes you happy. there's no malice in her voice, no disgust at the thoughts that fill your head, just her light teases and sweet voice.

the yesterday night, you were laying in the dark, desperately wanting to turn your mind off, to let the images and the guilt fade away. yesterday night, you felt like the worst human alive. why else would you think these things? yesterday, you were alone.

tonight though, you have Chiaki and there's nothing else you could ask for.


End file.
